My husband finds this really weird about me, but dreams do impact me.  And in my case, dreams aren’t just about something happening.  They are a world of something, usually a fear, concern, worry, or even happiness.  They rarely make sense, but they have a vibe.  My last night’s dream, just the same, had a particular vibe and it was: I am inadequate and lazy.

Perhaps because of a struggle of finding work, trying to figure out what I want and what is next for me in life, I am facing my impatience and laziness to do everything that it takes to get where I want to be.  Just as with my dreams, I don’t know where I want to be.  I only know the world of it and what it would feel like.  And I am crystal clear, I want to be fully engaged, proud, fulfilled and happy with what I do.  I want the experience of every barrier crossed, every extra mile taken being well worth it.  I want to have a feeling that I can never expand any more than I already had, and then push against the limits of that and expand even more.

I think that for us, women, it is really important that we have something of our own that fulfills us.  I never knew this when I was dating, but it is clear to me now when I am married, how much my happiness matters to my husband.  It is almost a crime not to do it, given that everything in our world is organized to have us get what we want.

I don’t like failing.  I don’t even like opening up to what I want as I may not reach it, or rather, I may give up before I ever get even close.  Yet, I am going to keep uncovering what it is that makes me happy and keep going for it.  Perhaps, this will impact my dreams and allow them to expand.  And when the dreams are unleashed, my reality brightens.

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