Emptiness…

I have a really important call in a few.  I have been nervous all morning, trying to be calm.  Didn’t work. I killed some time youtubing my favorite tunes and just typing some old familiar names and taking it to wherever the association would take me.

I have began to feel stuck.  I don’t believe in envy, nor do I think that copying someone else’s life works.  Almost everything respected in the universe has it’s own unique and original tone, yet… I am left wondering if I should have been more like others.

It’s one of those down times when every doubt hits you, that is now becoming overwhelming for me.   I wonder.  I am looking at why I left my home the first time.  It almost feels like that every genius I have ever known has never traveled   to far distances to find him/herself.  Most people that got far, got far by staying where they were from the start and building from there.  I have left my roots already twice.  And am awaken today to mourn for the times missed.

I don’t want anyone to worry.  Perhaps for that reason alone, I am not sharing this, but writing a blog.  But I do wonder what would happened if I stayed.  Some, perhaps foolish, part of me believes, that I would’ve build my own little world right there.  Now, it feels like I am blown by the wind and shaken from every side.

Yet….something woke up in me today as I was listening to different music.  I think what woke up was my own voice, a newly build muscle to sustain the challenge of every day and rise above it.  I want to make a mark.  Yes, there is more to life than we are taught.  There is a humanity that I can feel in each person I choose to speak with.  There is something about listening to each person and contributing to their light…and then there is more.  There are things I don’t know how to say….but I can draw them….or I can sing them…

Ever thought of a dream you gave up? anything you just didn’t think you were talented enough to do that you want to do?  Is there anything that I can do to contribute to your light?

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