I wanted to say that you will understand me, if you are a woman. However, I will leave my assumptions aside and own up to my own experience of overwhelm and overflow of emotions. I know that looking from outside, it can seem like I am just taking a day to play a victim. But it doesn’t resonate with me that what I am feeling has anything to do with anything negative whatsoever. It is just intense.
I think that experiencing loss and then watching six feet under series can really take a person off their track in a nano second. Combined with moon cycle, summer disappearing on us and plain being in a new environment is enough to have one go crazy. Given all that, and the discomfort that I feel, I am still choosing to allow myself to find my way out, to find a fresh breath in this cloudy day.
Vulnerable to my own experience of loss, I have been able to discover things that were hidden from me. After all the work I did with energy (as a Reiki Master and alike), I could feel that there is something to push through, to alter and heal. Since I discovered this, I could recall days in my childhood when I would say something that was seemingly completely out of place. Right now, I know I was describing some past emotion, perhaps even karmic that I intuitively accessed but could never make sense of. It’s finally all coming together now.
At the moment, I am in a whirlwind, but I know it won’t last. So, I am not terrified. Uncomfortable? extremely. Yet, I know that the only way out is through. Am going to take some time taking care of my body, enjoying vegan nutrition, meditating, offering Reiki and clearing my own energy chakras, writing and just allowing myself to be. There are pieces of myself I have never accepted. I am allowing those to come up so I can know them and love them for what they are. Do you have things about yourself you still haven’t made peace with? when will you do it? Please share with me your journey
It amazes me how our bodies work. Every month, the same deal. First, I turn into a monster and pick up a fight with whomever ends up in my schedule. I have an explosion of emotions and if I am sad it gets even worse and if I am happy, it becomes euphoric (which happens less frequently). It matches my emotions around the time of full moon. Everything is hyper sensitive. Then, it follows by excruciating cramps that in my mind explain why I get bitchy in the first place.
For the past 6 months, I have worked on monitoring this change in my temper to gain some control over it. I was unable to stop it, but I could recognize it’s source and give it space to just be, making my husband aware of what is going on (seeking his compassion and understanding). Finally, after all this time, I won over my symptoms. They were there, but I got to have an upper hand. In fact, my husband asked me the other day: what do you mean you are getting your period when you didn’t have your PMS? All day yesterday, I laid low…I did nothing outward, I just hung in there and observed cramping of my stomach as if to understand the story behind it. Riding the bike exercises I did in the past weeks paid off and cramps were not as strong as before. I could avoid taking a pain killer. I remained pure.
But even though I haven’t exploded in public or even in front of my husband, I know I went through some emotional ups and downs. They came and went. I cried and felt depressed… and after all, I felt deeply in touch with my own body discovering a possible karmic unresolved challenge that has been in my face in the past weeks or so.
As a Reiki Master, I am in tune with myself and the energy flow, yet I know I need an outside source to help me through. So, I am in search of energy healing that can help me through this. Who would’ve thought a cramp can explain so much for us. Looking forward to dissolving barriers to being free and loving.
Help me do this: look in a mirror today and tell yourself: I love you! Do it until the day when these words flow out of your mouth with total ease. Let me know what you discover.