If I think of my life today, I am probably the biggest failure to most of my family and friends. As a straight A student, involved in drama, choir, math competitions, drawing class, sports, music school, English courses, I was a promising young girl. I was so inspired to be the best in most things and in many areas, I actually achieved it.
Then came adulthood, going to college, 2 years of pre-med and realization that I won’t be working as hard as I was to be something I didn’t want to be. So, I switched to Film/Media major. I went through school, then grad school and then I took some time doing things that actually were fulfilling: leadership courses at Landmark, Reiki Master program at Center of Living light, I practised yoga and went to Vipassana 10 day silent retreats religiously – every year.
In many ways, I was surrounded by people to whom I constantly had to explain my choices. And, although my achievements weren’t extraordinary, I was on my own path. It seemed that I was fighting people around me to prove that I knew what I was doing, but I was actually fighting myself, my own insecurity and lack of confidence and trust that what I was doing was the RIGHT thing for me to do. When I look back, I can see one thing as a driving force: seeking perfection!
It was all good when I was younger and I could achieve results that were exceeding everyone’s expectations. But, how in the world was I supposed to achieve and maintain perfection in my 30’s? I realized, the very drive to be perfect is what actually STOPPED me in life. I’d spend hours and hours writing, drawing, even doing something as simple as creating a website, or putting an ad together for my coaching, reiki or alike and I would just take FOREVER! When I was working 2 jobs in New York City and had a program to lead at Landmark, the mere having to fit everything in 24 hours I have every day was causing me to accomplish things and move them forward. But, when I created my own business and started creating my own hours, it began to occur to me that no time was ENOUGH time. And I got it: whatever time I have, I will easily spend perfecting things before I put them out there for people to “react,” “judge,” and “say something about.” And, to avoid being vulnerable and dealing with criticism, I shrunk. I played small, if you will.
So, I declare the game of perfection OVER (complete, done)! Taking on having my life make a difference for myself and others and making mistakes that I need to make to learn what I need to know. Please, share with me what you see stops you from being in the “court” of life and in the game that matters to you?
Lot’s of love!!!!