Living in the unknown

I realized something in the past couple of days: my dreams have been coming true one after another.  To some people who I shared them with, it all seems miraculous and they think I have been just very, very lucky.  Some other friends, however, know very well where I was 6, 7 or 10 years ago and they can fully appreciate the willingness, persistence and hard work put into it.  I am not saying I didn’t find angels along the way, nor that the God didn’t add his charming seasoning to my life, but the truth be told: I have done a lot of it on my own even if that only meant that I asked the right questions, made right requests or turned to the right people for support.

So, here I am now… Resident of the United States of America, a dream that took 13 years to realize….Married to an amazing husband, a dream I’ve been dreaming of for at least 6 years…. Pregnant with our first child, a dream I had for at least 4 years… Working from home and making my own schedule, a dream I had for over 18 years, basically since I got my first job… and alike…

I notice, the time and experience had made me clearer in my communications, faster in my judgement, laser about what I want.  And I have gotten to the point where I am looking for how to simplify it all.  The story of success is often a lonely one.  I don’t mean that there are no people on the path, but that the people don’t always stay on the same path.  For someone who moved countries 3 times, I can tell you, it takes EVERYTHING to keep up with friendships across the border. I am not saying the friendships won’t last, I am saying, it is not the same as having a friend right by your side.  And that is one thing I am missing.  Here I am, taking a little rest before my next training call and thinking, it would be so nice to have a shoulder to cry on.  I have nothing bad to cry about, I have nothing to complain.  There is just something emotional, and perhaps hormonal, overwhelming my spirit and I would like to let the tears go…And I would like a giant, quiet, non-judgmental hug.  

I am scared of the UNKNOWN.  I have never carried a child before, given birth, and even though I moved before, I never quite started it all over again like I am about to do in less than a month time.  I am NOT stopped… and I acknowledge that living RADICALLY, with butterflies, sometimes asks being heard and hugged.  

Is there anything NEW you are dealing with in your life that you feel being heard, gotten and understood would make a difference with?  Please share… my tears dried out as I poured these words into this blog for you to get: we are all human, and that you are not alone.


In motion

I woke up one day about a month ago feeling like I am totally out of energy.  The combination of cold winter February days in Montreal, lack of sun, being pregnant and tired almost all the time, made me feel depressed.  My husband worked most of the daytime hours and with everything we both had going on, we’d have about 30 minutes a day to truly be with each other.  While most people told me that getting out on the Sun will do me good and that most of my symptoms were pregnancy related, I knew that deep inside, I was losing the connection with my own internal super heroine.

Namely, for the past year or so, I have spent most of my time in Montreal.  Granted, I traveled quite a bit, had 4 vacations and numerous trips to New York City.  Something, though, beyond just cold or not speaking French was getting to me.  If I tried to explain, it sure sounded like an insult to people who live here, but I never meant any of it to be insulting.  Simply, I didn’t quite feel at home here.  I met some great people, fell in love with some parts of the city, but I never quite felt like I was home.

Then, I thought of all the things that I am up to and everything I need to get that accomplished.  I noticed how, reliably, I go back to New York and the rush of energy overwhelms me and I get to be my best self, completely at home with my body, energetic, up to things, eager and ready.  I am not that way here and no matter how hard I tried to improve my structures, I simply don’t feel the same way.

So, I decided: this is not for everyone! in particular: this isn’t for me.  And without judgement or complaint, I spoke to my husband and told him I was ready to move south.  Because we spoke of this in a past, and looked into exploring Florida, we are pretty much on the same page.  There were things that needed to happen for us to be able to move, from selling condo, getting rid of some belongings, finding work etc.  All of those, I enjoy to say, are now complete and we are in a process of taking off.

My bottom line here is this: if something doesn’t work, definitely try improving it.  Try transforming it, if you have the tools to do that, be in communication, see what you can do to make it better.  If time after time, regardless of what you have done, things remain the same, make a hard choice and do what works versus what you are expected to or what you think you should do.

What moved things forward for me was literally beginning to get that what I needed to be my best self were things that weren’t available around me.  I am not used to cold, I don’t like the snow, and I get to be most effective and energetic around the summer time that barely lasts a month here.  You do the math, because when I did it, the choice was simple.

Now, enough about me: look into your life! What are the things that you know are not working that if released can create space for something new and empowering?  Please share!!!