I woke up one day about a month ago feeling like I am totally out of energy. The combination of cold winter February days in Montreal, lack of sun, being pregnant and tired almost all the time, made me feel depressed. My husband worked most of the daytime hours and with everything we both had going on, we’d have about 30 minutes a day to truly be with each other. While most people told me that getting out on the Sun will do me good and that most of my symptoms were pregnancy related, I knew that deep inside, I was losing the connection with my own internal super heroine.
Namely, for the past year or so, I have spent most of my time in Montreal. Granted, I traveled quite a bit, had 4 vacations and numerous trips to New York City. Something, though, beyond just cold or not speaking French was getting to me. If I tried to explain, it sure sounded like an insult to people who live here, but I never meant any of it to be insulting. Simply, I didn’t quite feel at home here. I met some great people, fell in love with some parts of the city, but I never quite felt like I was home.
Then, I thought of all the things that I am up to and everything I need to get that accomplished. I noticed how, reliably, I go back to New York and the rush of energy overwhelms me and I get to be my best self, completely at home with my body, energetic, up to things, eager and ready. I am not that way here and no matter how hard I tried to improve my structures, I simply don’t feel the same way.
So, I decided: this is not for everyone! in particular: this isn’t for me. And without judgement or complaint, I spoke to my husband and told him I was ready to move south. Because we spoke of this in a past, and looked into exploring Florida, we are pretty much on the same page. There were things that needed to happen for us to be able to move, from selling condo, getting rid of some belongings, finding work etc. All of those, I enjoy to say, are now complete and we are in a process of taking off.
My bottom line here is this: if something doesn’t work, definitely try improving it. Try transforming it, if you have the tools to do that, be in communication, see what you can do to make it better. If time after time, regardless of what you have done, things remain the same, make a hard choice and do what works versus what you are expected to or what you think you should do.
What moved things forward for me was literally beginning to get that what I needed to be my best self were things that weren’t available around me. I am not used to cold, I don’t like the snow, and I get to be most effective and energetic around the summer time that barely lasts a month here. You do the math, because when I did it, the choice was simple.
Now, enough about me: look into your life! What are the things that you know are not working that if released can create space for something new and empowering? Please share!!!