I am sure every new mom will understand that even though I attempted to write my blog a few times since birth of my baby boy, I have gotten distracted every time and therefore this is the first time I am back to writing after little over 10 weeks.
Giving birth was by far the most challenging and rewarding experience in my life. I have labored naturally, with nothing for pain for a little over a full day. There was a point when I wished I could just stop the time and take a break…and I knew, the only way out at this point was through and the way through was scary.
Because I am a coach, and I had an awesome coach while pregnant, I had my time planned perfectly well for those two weeks when I had a baby….Baby came 4 weeks early, so my calendar included everything but what actually ended up happening. But, all my stuff was listed perfectly clear in my outlook calendar so when the doctor sent me to the hospital early the next day, I printed out my calendar for the next 3-4 days and just cancelled or rescheduled what needed to be done. No one was impacted. I even had a coaching call while on monitors for contractions and baby’s heart rate, telling the person I may have to hang up any time but will talk for as long as I can…. And it all got managed.
My husband was by my side and I can say that I sincerely don’t have any idea how single moms do it. Partnership was crucial for me in these moments of total lack of control, something I don’t willingly allow ever. And, as I was about to fade late on Tuesday this first week of September, I felt an urge to push. However, my urge to push was interrupted by my nurse and suddenly the room was full of doctors I didn’t know and the old surgeon who called for a c-section.
I was so scared. I never stayed in a hospital before and didn’t even have stitches for anything let alone surgery. But I had no choice. It was all about keeping baby safe and baby was under distress given that umbilical chord was wrapped around his neck and body and every contraction was creating danger. I was lucky they were doing general anesthesia as I don’t think I could be with people talking about cutting me up.
I woke up in sever pain and with dryness in my mouth. I also continued to have contractions which was painful given there was a cut below my tummy. But besides the physical discomfort, I was pissed that it didn’t go my way. Namely, if I took epidural on time, I would maybe be able to avoid all this and have my baby on my chest as he was delivered – which I was actually not completely thrilled with since I dropped out of medical school because I don’t like seeing blood.
It took me good 3 days to put the pieces of puzzle together and to realize that having a C-section was the best thing that happened to me. I thought I was being cheated on, that they did it to make money on me (as surgery is more expensive than vaginal birth and it’s number is increasing in America at the speed of light)…but as I was having conversations with my doctor and nurses, I realized my birth was perfect.
Finally I understand what I’ve been told all along, that each birth is different and each birth is perfect and that the best way to approach it is to stop resisting and let the baby do his/her job and let the body to do its job and that it will all turn out.
My baby is healthy, and the journey of motherhood challenging and amazing….I am grateful to all the moms who helped me know what I needed to know, who warned me, educated me and listened to me and shared their experience so vulnerably with me so I can feel included and not alone.