Something about being a woman struck me today like never before. I’ve always looked to claim my place in the universe, struggled to find love, to feel loved, to own love. I’ve been told by more than a few people in my twenties that I was a handful, tough to handle, demanding, idealist, and that I had way too much masculine energy for any man to want to ever be with me and feel good about himself.
I’ve been happily married for over 2.5 years and my first year of marriage was amazing, and in the second we moved countries and cities a couple of times and had our first child, built business together a few times over and we are still happy. I am not saying we don’t argue, we do and we do that really explosively and most people that ever heard us do so didn’t like it. However, we never held a grudge against each other and we never went to sleep having something unsaid or unfinished or unclear between us. And I still look at my husband wanting to spend every moment of eternity with him and I am pretty sure his eyes are filled with love for me as well.
So, I have been thinking about things that had me go from someone who is told that she is too masculine to be in a relationship to someone who is pretty powerfully navigating love and marriage, parenthood and business and all with the same person.
I tell to my clients this all the time and I think a few of them have heard me, as I clearly heard it when I was first told this: “don’t try to be feminine… you are already feminine by virtue of being a woman… embrace your masculine energy and your feminine will naturally shine through.” And so I did, for the first time, I said: “screw it! I am no longer going to try to please anyone, I can be myself and be myself fully and people can accept it or not, I am going to own it.” It is months later that I was dating my husband who surprisingly, or not, loves it when I am in my A-game and is completely ok when I need to step away and embrace being a woman, needing a quiet time, needing nourishment, love or simple silence.
Am I lucky? perhaps. I’d say I was brave. I wanted so much to connect with someone and I wanted so much to have real me connect with that someone that I took my steps one after another authentically and patiently. I knew what I was committed to and kept looking for it but I didn’t compromise who I was as a woman.
And, the woman that I am has changed so many times over, after getting married and believing love was finally possible for me, and then after having my first child and knowing what a miraculous body I have that is capable of holding and creating life. And inside of business, as I am someone that cares to make an impact with people I know, both friend and clients. I am making it work every day, I change my mind many times over. I am not always my word but I clean up my mess. I don’t always know what I want but when I get it, I know how to be grateful and to appreciate it. I am emotional and hormonal mess and my mom told me that it’s probably not just hormones. Maybe it’s not, maybe I am just not as great as I strive to be, but maybe not being great is human and I am not so different from other ladies out there.
All in all, I love being a woman and I love being who I am…and it’s not always easy, juggling motherhood and business and then still being sexy for my husband after I felt like the day passed me by and I mostly just put out fires, attending to my son and did what needed to be done which is not obvious to most men that needed to be done. It’s not easy and I know some moms out there can relate…but somehow we do it and somehow putting an actual structure wouldn’t actually work in doing it as structure would show us that we cannot possibly have it all or make it all happen but time and time again we prove that we can. So I rely on my intuition, I lean into my feminine owning my masculine. I love all shades of me, some not as great as others, but they are who I am and I take it.
Embracing all women out there. Share your stories, inspire us. I’d love to post other women’s blogs and share the love.