My father passed away last month. I couldn’t get myself to write about anything else and the wound was fresh, the emotions bubbling up. I always stand for authentic communication and was wondering how do I do that when it involves other people. How do I write the truth about myself without mentioning people in my life who are part of my story? I wonder this a lot because I am committed to living in the truth.
In my younger years, I learned that “rising above” was a better way to be about things in life. I learned a few years back that being kind and keeping my mouth shut, protecting people from their own poor behavior was only shooting myself in a foot. More often than not, people believe the story they are told. They are not invested in finding out what everyone else’s perspective is on the subject and I find that unfair. I no longer think that being silent or stepping out of the equation is good in and of itself. On contrary, I believe I am responsible to tell my side of the story.
Years ago, and I think through this blog, I shared a story about my dad. I sent him a link, thinking, it was appropriate that he knows about it. I was proud of the way I’ve written it, I thought there was no shame and blame just simply my perspective on life as I lived it. I remember him telling me that his younger son, my step brother, already told him about it and that when he asked if I was harsh with words, his son answered: “so-so.” I was a bit wounded. People walk around blaming other people for their lives, here I was, reframing my dad’s absence into a story of my becoming the person I was and it was still not good enough. I was wondering, can anyone ever saying something personal without it meaning something bad about someone else.
We are all connected. While this sounds like a total cliche, it actually isn’t. We really are in this together. People in our lives are merely mirrors for what we need to discover about ourselves and move through, evolve. Perhaps all those fingers pointing at me for sharing my stories are making me stronger because in absence of approval, it is that much harder to stand for something we believe in. And I, I simply believe in truth, in writing, in art, in being with one another. We all make mistakes, we all mess up, but owning it allows us to transcend it, to stay present, to learn from it. And there, I broke my silence and my concerns about writing. I have a voice to use it. And so do you…