RIP Kate Spade

Nobody will really know what happened that had Kate Spade decide to take her own life, especially not the public.  We make up stories about other people and live vicariously through the famous few.  Sadly.  I guess the effort to make our own lives work is more than it takes to plug into social media, TV or read newspapers.  We, then,  naturally live on sidelines and comment.
I glanced at the article today that read: “it’s lonely on the top”… What a way to frame what happened and tell a story that might have nothing to do with Kate’s story.  I don’t blame anyone who comments or writes because I can feel it, we are all impacted and we all need to process things our own way.  I am taking a moment myself to digest the fact that a 13 year old girl came home yesterday to find out her mom was gone and now she will know from her dad, papers, friends, etc, that she took her own life, because her mom’s life was public.  I can’t and don’t want to even imagine what that must be like for that little teenage girl.
What can cause someone who seems to be having resources, to not find a way through and out.  I never followed Kate’s life but if depression was the cause, is it possible she never reached out for help?  There is no shame in asking for help no matter how successful or unsuccessful you are. People are not meant to live alone and deal with everything alone, that is the assumption that is destroying lives.
People around me and I have dialed friends or hotlines in times when life felt painful. It doesn’t mean anything. It just means you need someone else to support you to see things you can’t see from where you are standing.  It’s not a shame and you may get a “no” a few times before someone says yes.  We have to find strength to keep on looking.
My grandma the other day told me she didn’t want to bother anyone. She is in her 80s and lost her husband and older son within a year and my uncle lives far away. I keep telling her to not hesitate to ask for what she needs, but I can hear it that it doesn’t come naturally to her.  When we are children and at the old age and any time in between when we are sick, we need support.  Please make that right.  Please allow yourself to ask for what you need and not be attached to where it comes from.
We can only give when we are full and we must be able to receive when we are not.  That is a flow of life.  There is nothing shameful about asking for help, needing something and reaching out.
In meantime, here is the

Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday
When you allow someone to help you, you give them a gift of being someone who contributes.  We are all in this together.

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