Ever done anything you are not really proud of? I have… and I have done it over and over again. While I think of myself as fairly smart and capable woman, there are things that seem simply beyond my control. And this makes me feel so fake, so ridiculously inauthentic. I spend days coaching people on how to accomplish their wildest dreams and then at night, I fail at the simple act of kindness with my closest ones.
Sure I’ve done ton of work, personal development, self reflection, self analysis, digging into the past, manifesting the future, etc. And although I think there were times when things were improved a bit, it’s like I take one step forward and then 2 steps back…
I have asked myself many times WHY? naturally, I have more than million justifications for why I am right and why my lack of being great is completely due to feeling criticized and mistreated or simply made feel stupid…Ah the victim I am….I am sure all of this is sounding like a bluh, bluh, bluh,….so…I won’t waste your time in writing this.
What do I do? I thought about it all night last night and all day today. I didn’t come up with a way to fix it. So, I decided, I will pray… I will send this over to higher powers (and besides God, these are people I love and have lost who are my angels above) and ask for their guidance. I am taking it one step at the time, breathing in and trusting my angels. And tonight I took my first step…FORGIVING myself for the things I have done that I am not proud of, for wrongdoing and hurting others intentionally or unintentionally, humbled by being a human at fault.
Sending you all good vibes!