Pregnancy – reality check (from August 27th, 2013 – about a week before I birthed my first son)

I think all of my life, with some rare occasions of being rebellious, I have wanted to be a wife and a mother.  Definitely, the moment I was clear I wanted to be in a relationship, I was looking forward to everything the relationship would bring: partnership, prosperity, wealth, marriage, and children.

I have envied people who were in powerful marriages, who got along well and at the sight of pregnant women, at least after my 20s, I was envious and jealous.

It’s not until I got pregnant myself that illusions of the miraculous child birthing were beginning to crash.  Namely, I had visions of working and being completely mobile until the day of delivery and have found myself exhausting and sick for almost my entire first trimester.  My breast were getting bigger and it was painful.  I could no longer sleep on my stomach which is how I liked to sleep since I was born.  The worse thing was, no one could tell I was pregnant, because nothing showed on the outside, so I wouldn’t necessarily get a better treatment while in a metro or waiting in a line.

Then second trimester came and I had felt much better. I could finally eat food again (something other than lemons, grapefruits and sour cabbage), but my body was changing.  Now, I wasn’t looking pregnant but slightly chubby and for someone who suffered from extra weight and many impacts of that in my teenage years, that was a big mental struggle to overcome.  Don’t get me wrong, I wanted my baby more than anything else, but the way I felt was hardly matching or feeling like it’s  a fair price to pay.  Mind you,  I am talking about healthy pregnancy.  I cannot even imagine what women who have slight complications have to go through.

And finally, I am approaching the end of last trimester, very close to delivery.  I have interviewed more than 50 mothers, checked about different ways of delivery etc.  And, it seems that, while there is a small percentage of women who were mind strong and were able to have a relatively easy and natural delivery, most women had some kind of complication, lot’s of pain and perhaps some further impacts in their life from birthing their child (or children).  Yes not one of them is ongoingly complaining and most of them did all they could to put that experience behind the moment they brought life into the world, but I know, from having talked to all of them, that they all experienced pain in the process.

Then a friend of mine recommended a book by Ina May and on her website, even prior to ordering, I found this quote:

“It’s not just the making of babies, but the making of mothers that midwives see as the miracle of birth.”

— Barbara Katz Rothman

I realized that there was more to it than what we initially get to see.  This fear that I had my whole life about birthing a child, as much it can be justified, is also a bit unnatural.  And, I am out to find out.  AS my friend said, affirming: “easy, natural, child birth!!!”

Thinking of life…

I am feeling mixed emotions lately. Sure, you can blame it on the pregnancy but it’s not all hormones, I can guarantee you.  In fact, I’d like to address how some people are in regards to women when they are pregnant and their mood swings (and perhaps not only when they are pregnant).  I want to share that knowing that there is a human being within my body is the most miraculous experience I could imagine having.  Yesterday was exactly 20 weeks that I am expecting – the middle of the pregnancy and in the past days both my husband and I have experienced some most gratifying baby kicking.  I have accomplished much in my life and I can tell you, very little compares to the miracle of life we are able to give.

Something that I could not so clearly see before, as someone with ‘out of this world’ ambition to succeed and be the best in everything, is that the simple joys of life are, at the end of the day, what fulfills us the most.  And, you’d never hear me say to give up competition, playing big and achieving enormous heights.  I won’t say that as I don’t believe we should have to choose between that life and the life of a wife and a mother.  However, there is something about being a wife and a mother that is so deeply fulfilling that I can never again imagine the life without it.  So, you guessed it right: it’s about having it all.

But to address what I promised to address:  I noticed, and somewhat from my own experience, that most people are not really aware of what it’s like to be expecting a baby.  I don’t think anyone who isn’t a mother, truly gets the ups and downs and everything in between as well as the pure miracle of what is actually happening within our bodies, how much the hormones change and how much development there is within a day and even an hour sometimes.  It takes something to be the vehicle for all of that, to be able to be and create life and have something within you be so unbelievably powerful in taking all your energy, nutrients and alike.  So, I request, give women a break! And not because we can’t handle life, nor because we are weak or unable to handle ourselves.  Give us a break because you ought to stand mesmerized in the face of what we are creating and you should not let us have to create it alone.

I am a blessed soul to have a husband and partner in life who is understanding and committed to understanding.  He is way ahead of me reading about all that my body is going through such that he can support me in the process.  Without him, there would be no baby and without him, I can’t imagine what it would take to do this.  So I ask the men out there to support their ladies and to honor the miracle of life.  It is truly a miracle and while I used to think that some people just gave up on their life goals and decided to have many babies (and I do believe there is some of that), I take back my judgement that having a child is easy.

Lastly, my message to people is: be great!!!! At the end of the day, if you just allow people to be just the way they are, you may easily hear some of what I am pointing to.  It will help reduce our judgments and allow us to see that we are all one, extremely connected, and extremely vulnerable.