Clean Slate

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Doesn’t it feel sometimes like life is coming at us at the speed of light?  So much information out there, so much to process, review, consider, choose from.  Which way should one go?

I constantly work on taking some time to myself to decide what matters and what I want to focus on because then I have to power to scan opportunities for what is in sync with what I said I wanted.  Not having done this work leaves me vulnerable to bombarding of information that happens all the time.  This isn’t wrong, we are all competing in this world for attention and a chance to have a voice about something, to leave an impact.  I just have it that it will only get louder so it is my job to create safe spaces where I can be with myself, access the divine within me and then act from there.

Often times people argue that we should just let ourselves be, go with the flow, respond to things in life as they come.  This is their right.  It doesn’t work for me though.  Just couple of weeks ago in a parenting class, I heard that one of the constructive ways to tell a child to STOP running is to tell them to USE their walking feet.  Or instead of telling them to STOP talking or being loud to USE their whispering voice.  It would probably take me decades to come up with these positive reinforcement strategies whereas people who’ve been educators for years learn them and use them and are effective with children because of it.

Expecting of myself to just go with a flow, be unprepared, not self reflect or plan ahead is actually a huge set up for failing in life and in addition, being hard on myself for reasons that are not even justified.

Everything in life, when studied, researched and explored can be simplified and broken down into distinctions, and not to rob us of freedom but to guide us through it with more clarity, wisdom and power.

I realize, as I am getting older, there are distinctions in everything people do and can be successful at, so why not stop, reset, re-evaulate what we really care about and then take on the things we really want with all of our being, learn the distinctions and practice until we master it?

There is nobody else coming! This is it! The time is now. What do you really want that is worth stepping back, learning about and giving your life to?

 

 

Breaking the Silence

My father passed away last month.  I couldn’t get myself to write about anything else and the wound was fresh, the emotions bubbling up.  I always stand for authentic communication and was wondering how do I do that when it involves other people.  How do I write the truth about myself without mentioning people in my life who are part of my story?  I wonder this a lot because I am committed to living in the truth.

In my younger years, I learned that “rising above” was a better way to be about things in life.  I learned a few years back that being kind and keeping my mouth shut, protecting people from their own poor behavior was only shooting myself in a foot.  More often than not, people believe the story they are told.  They are not invested in finding out what everyone else’s perspective is on the subject and I find that unfair.  I no longer think that being silent or stepping out of the equation is good in and of itself.  On contrary, I believe I am responsible to tell my side of the story.

Years ago, and I think through this blog, I shared a story about my dad.  I sent him a link, thinking, it was appropriate that he knows about it.  I was proud of the way I’ve written it, I thought there was no shame and blame just simply my perspective on life as I lived it.  I remember him telling me that his younger son, my step brother, already told him about it and that when he asked if I was harsh with words, his son answered: “so-so.”  I was a bit wounded.  People walk around blaming other people for their lives, here I was, reframing my dad’s absence into a story of my becoming the person I was and it was still not good enough.  I was wondering, can anyone ever saying something personal without it meaning something bad about someone else.

We are all connected.  While this sounds like a total cliche, it actually isn’t.  We really are in this together.  People in our lives are merely mirrors for what we need to discover about ourselves and move through, evolve.  Perhaps all those fingers pointing at me for sharing my stories are making me stronger because in absence of approval, it is that much harder to stand for something we believe in.  And I, I simply believe in truth, in writing, in art, in being with one another.  We all make mistakes, we all mess up, but owning it allows us to transcend it, to stay present, to learn from it.  And there, I broke my silence and my concerns about writing.  I have a voice to use it. And so do you… woman

 

 

 

PROMISES

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Last week of the year, this space between Christmas and New Year’s Eve is one of the most sensitive times of the year for most people.   We cannot help but reflect back on the year, what is done or isn’t done, which promises will sneak into the next year because we know there is no chance in hell we can pull it off in the next couple of days.  I have one of those, it’s called my Online Program.  Some time in late October, I stopped even playing that game, I realized, with everything on my plate, I can’t do it in a way that works so I wasn’t going to do it just for the sake of doing it.

There are, however, promises that sneak up on us, those we promise to ourselves but don’t say out loud, like: I will do yoga every day, do a long walk outside rain or shine and stop eating processed foods.  How is that one working for me? Not so well.  You see, the problem with promises we make to ourselves is, they are safe from scrutiny, criticism and accountability but they don’t make us feel any less shitty when we don’t do them.  And this is because our promise to OURSELVES, has far more weight than any promise we make to someone out loud.

The promises we make to others, we do with much more ease, because if we don’t, we look bad and people will do just about anything to look good. It’s one of the strongest forces that gets us to do things (that and belonging).  And promising things to others, or having people hold us to account is powerful, because we will get things done, but keeping our promise to ourselves is even more important.  It isn’t easy, but it matters because when we relate to ourselves like we are not our word, or we don’t matter, it is that much harder to complete things in life.  We are always having to overcome an already established story about ourselves: we don’t do what we say we would do.

So think about those things that you already promised to yourself.  Write them all out, check off what you kept, cross off those that are irrelevant, acknowledging that you didn’t do them and re-promise the rest.  As you do, you will be giving yourself another chance to do it right.  Will you succeed? That’s up to you, but at least, you have a way bigger change at it than if you just swept it under the rug.  Because things swept under the rug are still in the room, we just can’t see them.  And often, we don’t even forget they are there.

Give yourself a gift of clean slate this holiday season.  Keep your list.  Even if you mess it up, at least you know how to reset it.  Wishing you the best.

Happy Holidays to all,

Love,

 

Marija

Spring cleaning in the fall

I recently shared with my colleagues: one of the ways I get myself out of the funk when I am in it. When I am not empowered, the key for me is to stop ALL action until I am back in the mindset that can actually allow me to do something that will create positive results.  And I don’t mean sit back and wait until I feel better, but stop all action in the particular area until I create enough of space to see things that I may have not have been able to see while in the midst of feeling stuck.

So what that looks like literally is: I do the spring cleaning.  I look around me at the space where I spent time or do work and I clean it up.  I may clean a desk drawer.  I may go into my closet and get rid of clothes I am not wearing or that I think no longer represent me and give those away.  Mostly, I try to move something physically until I feel motivated enough that I actually want things to be better and feel like that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

When things are sorted out in my environment, I am naturally pulled to do something.  If I am still not clear at this point what there is for me to do, then I begin with a set of obvious actions and I make sure I complete those first.  As I complete those, my confidence grows, I feel better about myself and at this point I am already having an empowering  surroundings and enough evidence of producing small results that I am beginning to see the glimpses of big picture.

And BINGO!!! That is the key… Seeing the big picture that I am inspired by that I can now physically and mentally connect to at which point I need to manage taking small steps to get to where I want to be… I don’t have to question it, I don’t doubt myself as I have created a clear surroundings that allowed me to think straight, think on my own and connect to my inner desires.

This is what I am in a midst of doing.  I am clearing my surroundings to make sure I can see clearly. And I am already feeling the smell of fresh air and inspiration for what is possible in future.  I know it’s fall (and it’s usually when things are in “fall’) that spring cleaning is the best thing to do.

Please share with me how you get unstuck when you are stuck and if you do the spring cleaning, tell me what it provides for you?